Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize