I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize