We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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