it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
