In the future we'll all be gay
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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