is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
