I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
