How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
