I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
