I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
