I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
