just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
