She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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