His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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