this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
