she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
