what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
