Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
