3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
