I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
