She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ok first of all what the fuck
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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