Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
