I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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