I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
