My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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