im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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