My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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