I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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