how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize