Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A+ Viking dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
