Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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