Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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