WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
