I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
