y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
