i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
