Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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