Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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