i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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