I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
