chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
