There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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