I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
