new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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