I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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