She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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