I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
