Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wish my penis had a tongue
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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