At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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