guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Are my feet made of real feet?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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