He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
