Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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