are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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