he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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