Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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