based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
