you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
