4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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