Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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