Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
