trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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