she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
