what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Swine flu is the new snow day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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