Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
