I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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