so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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